This June

This June,

I would like to come out the other side intact.

I would like to manage to stave off my broken-ness.

I would like to come through whole and okay.

Because,

last June

I didn’t.

And I can’t fathom doing that again.

Last June,

I ended up broken

and tired

and sad.

Last June,

was like being hit by a train

repeatedly.

And some things haven’t healed,

and some people haven’t been forgiven.

And they won’t.

Because

wow

that was low.

and I’m broken,

because I can’t scream the words at you I want to

and because I can’t talk about it any more.

So this June,

I want to come through whole.

I don’t want to feel kicked when I am down,

or strung tightly like a bow string,

choking on what I want to say,

but am too polite to.

This June,

I want to be okay.

And I want to tell you,

to go fuck yourself.

You’re not a nice human being.

And it’s your fault I can’t cry and it’s your fault I can’t talk anymore.

Because I want to tell you.

And I can’t,

because you don’t need to hear it.

Because being kicked when you’re down isn’t fun.

And aren’t you glad I’m not like you.