Autumn came, seemingly overnight. I’m not entirely sure where my summer went, but I know that it’s gone and I’ve lost my chance to lay in the sun.
I’ve got writers block and I don’t know if I’m falling apart or not. Not writing, I’m twitchy, but forcing it isn’t feeling much better.
Good things have been happening, in a relatively consistent stream and yet, I’m still left laughing maniacally at an email that comes through, because fucking hell, could this whole situation be any more bizarre? Sometimes it’s like an elaborate dance I’m dancing, keeping all my balls up in the air and my feet away from the cracks. Blogging is insanity personified and I’m pretty sure twitter is the gaping jaws swallowing all my cohesive thoughts.
I wonder if I’m going mad and content myself that as long as I’m still trying to work it out, then I’m probably not. My head feels all messy and I’m coping, I’m functioning, okay? but there’s the dark underbelly I can’t think about, or talk about, or write out.
I’m pretty sure I’m going mad, I’m just not convinced it’s an entirely bad thing. It feels like an imagination overload and imagination is a good thing when it involves giant scenarios with small heroes and large problems, less of an asset when it makes you run through your emergency drills over and over and wonder how things would look if that person fell down that cliff.
My imagination is a bit of an arsehole sometimes.
I’m forcing it out, making it work. Every hill can be climbed right? You’ve just got to keep walking?
Yes.
I think I’m going mad, but sometimes, you’ve just to write stuff and trust that people will know you’re still okay. Things just need out.
trust is good
Yep.
Nothing wrong with being mad. It’s the people that think they’re normal that worry me. We’re all a little bit mad, or we wouldn’t be ourselves.
Writing definitely helps me when things go crazy. Sometimes it’s the only thing I can do to anchor myself, let all the thoughts out, work things through, just write and write until there is nothing left. Or there is screaming, but a bit incoherent and while it releases the pressure, it doesn’t resolve much….
Sometimes painting/drawing helps too.
(((Hugs)))
No, screaming has never helped me much. I think I just need to work through it.
OMG you just blogged *exactly* how I’ve felt for the last week! So good to know other people are crazy too, but I’m sorry you’re feeling yucko 🙁
I’m glad I’m not alone is all!
I’ve been running mine out. Not ready for the words, but the energy spending is doing me well
If I thought my knees and stuff would hold up, I’d run too. I miss walking for hours, like I did when Amy was a baby.
Funny you should say this. My new mantra has become “out with it!” And I try the best I can to get it all out in whatever form seems best, be it blogging, talking, screaming, singing, etc… because I fnally realized that if there is anything worse than feeling a bit mad, it’s feeling a bit mad but pretending you don’t!
Xx
Yep, the pretending I don’t feel mad is the hardest part. I’m sick of feeling so sensible and appropriate for conversation, I’d just like to be a bit odd, even if it’s just in writing.
*hugs* to feeling rubbish, but *high five* for joining us crazies! 😉 xxx
I hear you guys have the good chocolate anyway.
Sometimes retreating for a while into the insanity is the only way to stay sane.
I like that idea.
How do you know for sure that you have not always been mad and are currently going sane?
If sanity feels like the inside of my head, I’ll take my madness back please?
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