I held my baby while she seized and seized and seized. I snuggled her closely into my chest, wiped the spit from the corners of her mouth and caught the vomit in a tissue when it happened. I rubbed her head and stroked her stomach as she twitched and rolled her eyes, her little tongue poking in and out.
When she finished, I laid her down and carefully administered the anti-convulsants that she was due for. I let her suck on my little finger as I dripped bitter medication into her mouth, encouraging her to swallow. I tried to ignore the fact that I am giving my baby an addictive drug in the hope that it makes her better.
[It’s not working.]
This is not what new motherhood should look like.
Every molecule in my body screams that this is unfair and why Evelyn? Why us?
[Why not us? Why are we so special?]
I want to rage against the world and shout on twitter that my baby is having seizures, more and more of them and that this isn’t right and yet I stay silent and kick the door on my way through it instead.
She’s sleeping now, drugged and exhausted. In a moment or two, I’ll pick her up, hold her close and take her to bed.
It feels like hyperbole, every time I write about my smallest child and yet, none of this is drama. Drama is the six year old shouting that putting her school bag away is “NOT FAIR AND WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THESE THINGS?” Drama is the three year old throwing himself to the ground because I gave him the wrong cup.
Drama is not my baby having seizures.
This is not drama, or hyperbole, or drummed up excitement to garner blog traffic.
No.
This is my baby having seizures, and it’s fucking heart breaking.
My heart is so heavy. I hoped the meds were working, I hoped there were answers. I’m so so sorry.
And yes, WHY YOU? why HER? this isn’t fair.
xx
It disgusts me that this is even something that even enters people’s heads. You’d think people could at least imitate someone with a bit of empathy.
I have been thinking of you so much & checking back in on your posts to see if there have been any answers or improvements. I’m so sorry that neither are closer at this time and I really hope that they come soon. Sending you big love & hugs xxx
Veronica, screen out the hideous people and focus on your life and your family. You deserve happiness and health. There is a huge world of people out there, sending you their best wishes and love.
Fark, it is gut-wrenching to read this, obviously a billions times worse for you to go through this with your poor tiny baby xxxx.
WTF that someone has made those stupid comments?
I keep on hoping and hoping and hoping.
Sending you so much love and good thoughts for all of you.
I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you to live through every minute of this. I hope hope hope you get answers and solutions soon, you and your precious little baby girl.
I have been checking back here and on your FB page as well to see how things are going. You and your precious, adorable little Miss are in my thoughts constantly.
Sending hugs to you both xoxo
Sending so much love to you all.
It’s the best I can do.
So many questions need answers and I pray you get them soon.
And the solutions xoxoxox
Someone seriously said that?! Are they insane?
Wishing you answers soon!
My heart is heavy for you. So so many parallels. I wish for immediate resolution of the seizures when I hear of your family and any other family having to go through a very similar fog and horror. Please know I think healing thoughts daily and truly hope this all resolves without any further issues. Big love to your baby girl and family xxxx
Drama – so people are just asses how dare they say you are drumming blog traffic . I want to scream for you too Babies should not be left to seize without answers.
V… something made me look you up today because I hadn’t seen you in so long. I’m so bloody sorry, I had no idea. None. I hope by now (mid November) things are evening out and you’ve had some breakthrough’s with meds/doctors/empathy for Evelyn. xx My thoughts are with you.
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