Life got crazy and the unessential parts of me got neglected. Not that I stopped writing blog posts in my head at 2am, I just stopped getting out of bed to type them out. Which I’m certain is sensible, but it’s also pretty slack.
I managed to get married, without any hiccups, except the rain and an impatient celebrant.
And then I miscarried.
There is a certain miserablness to watching a pregnancy slide down your legs. Even more so when you wonder, if you’d rested more, would this be happening? (probably) The week leading up to the wedding was crazy, with hospitalisations (Isaac) and bleeding (me) and vomiting (me) and arguments (also, me) and shouting (Amy) and stress (Nathan). But we did it.
And then I took a mental holiday, as December tried to suck out my soul and my brain simutaneously. It wasn’t pleasant, as I finished miscarrying at a school pageant in which religion was mentioned more times than I felt comfortable wish.
But we all survived (except the fetus, which didn’t have a chance) and my body decided to magically work and get pregnant again. Not that the actual conception was magical (fun is a better word). There will be no religions based around an immaculate conception here. The fact I ovulated at all is magical, let alone twice in 8 weeks.
My body is kind of a fuckwit, given to practical jokes and refusals to do anything normally.
Now I sit here, nine weeks pregnant, hot, pukey and still pretty sure I’m missing both my soul and my brain.
Never mind. They can go and join my sanity in the cupboard, if December decides to release them.
I can’t remember who wrote this, or if it’s just a random saying, but it’s a good one:
You never know how strong you are until strong is the only option you have.
Or something paraphrased similarly…
When I think of that? I think of you.
You are so strong, and brave, and articulate, and generally awesome.
But mostly strong.
That’s what I think, anyway. 🙂
x
What is it with public /government schools having heavily Christian programs during December? They don’t do the same for any other religions celebrations. Frustrating.
Oh honey! I’m so sorry! Bad Pants and I lost a baby the day after we were married a little over 5 yers ago, then another in June. It does suck. 🙁 While I know this comment is late, and very buried, we’ve been keeping you, Evelyn, and the rest of your family in our thoughts. *HUGS*
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