I had a baby at seventeen, which contrary to popular belief did not ruin my life, or destroy my future. You’d be surprised at how many people will console you on a pregnancy if they feel that you are younger than the “perfect” age to be a mother. You would also be surprised at the treatment that young mothers receive from people in positions of authority, but I digress.
I could list all of my reasons for falling pregnant, but I’ve written them down so many times before that they sound trite. Needless to say, it was the right decision for me and my family and here we are, six years later.
When I was pregnant, and then a new mother, no one asked me what I “did”. Which suited me, because I didn’t know at that point. I was a mother, but my daughter was too screamy for me to think about what else I could do. My entire life was wrapped up in keeping the baby happy, feeding the baby, stopping the baby biting my nipple. While my friends were heading off to Uni, I was changing nappies and discovering just how in love you can fall with something you’ve created.
Two years after my daughter was born, I was pregnant again, with my son. When you’re pregnant, no one asks you what you “do”. You’re just a gestating vessel, the means to an end, a giant egg waiting to crack. Men avoid your eye (is pregnancy catching?) and women ask strange questions about your internal organs. Pregnancy is the only time it is deemed socially acceptable to ask a woman about her cervix.
As is the usual course of events when everything goes well, my son was born, cried some, grew some and eventually got to the age where I could leave him with his Daddy to go and DO things – which is when the inevitable questions start.
I was at an exhibition opening and someone asked me “what do you do?” and instead of saying “I’m a mother” I found myself saying the (only slightly practised in front of a mirror) line: “I am a writer.”
Which then leads to the inevitable questions about what do you write and where and so on. It took a few more months in front of the mirror to get those coming out smoothly.
You see, no one really cares what you DO, it’s just a way to start conversation.
I write things and I publish them on the Internet and 90% of society thinks that I’m a bit weird because of it – but I can ignore them. Anyone can be a writer, that is the beauty of it. Just like anyone can be an artist, or a musician, or a sculptor.
No one cares what you do to earn money – they care about what you DO because you love it. People aren’t interested in how you pay the bills (unless you might be helpful to them), they are interested in passion.
This is what I do. I am a writer and when people ask what I write, I tell them: I write a blog. It’s quite popular now and I really enjoy it.
Try it. The next time someone asks what you do, tell them what you love to do, rather than where you work. They might surprise you.
That sounds like something I should try to do more often… but then, am I a writer, or an artist? Or a photographer?
The usual one to pop out of my head is carer these days. That’s what I am paid for doing.
I guess if it was what I love… it would be that *and* one of the above three.
I’m a motherer by nature you see. I just can’t help but be a carer, whether I’m being paid or not – it’s what I do the most. I care for my boys, my friends, the rest of my family, people who I see needing someone to reach out to them.
Maybe I could make a post out of this one… *ponders*
I’ll be here all day, handing out identity crises. Hehe.
Hm. There’s things I like to do and yes, my paid work is one of those things , but I’d be lying if I didn’t say there’s other things I’d like to do more of. There’s times when it’s better to remain silent, cautious of the longterm impact that of doing something that may be seen as counter to your source of financial stability. We all section off our lives. Some of us do it more cleanly than others, but the reality is that we have many facets and perhaps we choose to tell people what we do, liked or not, because of the circle we are moving in at that moment in time. That’s why a potential employer is not allowed to ask you about your marital of family status during an interview. Knowledge is indeed power. Show the face face that fits the landscape of the moment. I guess I’ve become much more cynical in the last few years. Perhaps that will change. I’d like to be as open as you.
pleased to meet you, Ms Writer. me? I am an Artist … xt
I’m a blogger too 🙂 My business cards now say so and everything 😉
I’m not sure what I am now.
But I had someone convinced I was in media today.
Who knows
Ooooh, I always revert to “I’m a teacher, or I was a teacher” as I’m currently at home full-time. Would love, absolutely love one day to have the courage to say, “I’m a writer!”
Oh what wise words. When I tell people where I work, they cringe and rant. But when I tell them what I do – an events planner and writer at work, a writer in my spare time, and a TV presenter in my lesser spare time, they are really interested.
I do what I love where I can 🙂
Thank you for this beautiful post Veronica.
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