There is silence in the house and I am still bleary eyed, but I have made the effort to get out of bed 40 minutes early so that I can start writing here. It’s got nothing to do with the fact that I am so busy today that I won’t have time later. Hello November. You’ve sort of snuck up there, haven’t you?
***
There is a psych appointment scheduled today. It’s been cathartic to go along each fortnight and just talk. Like every other mother however, last week I found myself dicussing my children. My fears and my stresses and the frustration I feel when I walk into the bedroom to find my daughter perched on top of my closet, eating my chocolate. She’s the perfect candidate for “owling” except for the screaming when she realises that she can’t get down.
Real owls have wings daughter, if you’re going to climb up, you have to learn how to get down. Just don’t break anything.
I spent an hour talking about my children last time, before the therapist gently mentioned that maybe we ought to talk more about me?
Silly girl. She’s not worked with many (any?) mothers, I would put money on it. The children are me and I am them. The fears for their future are not things I can separate from my personal anxiety and the frustration I feel at untriggered meltdowns is just as real as frustration with other adults. Tempered with a lot more love, of course.
I shouldn’t call her silly, in fact she is lovely – even if it is a bit disconcerting to be discussing the tangled web inside my brain with someone my own age.
But that is okay.
The main question is: Do you think she will help me work out how to get a cat into the roof, to eat the baby starlings that have hatched right above my desk? Because it’s hard enough to write a blog post half asleep, without adding shouting babies to the mix.
You are me and I am you. You know, that holds true even when your own child becomes a mother herself.
As for the starling and cat/roof situation, you need a cat door into the ceiling. Maybe you could put a ladder next to the entrance to the nest and show the cat how to climb the ladder?
First, you catch the cat.
Then you put them in a box.
Then put the box in the ceiling.
Open the box.
Climb down the ladder and wait to catch the cats.
Warning: you may end up with scratches from falling cats.
Maybe you do need to peek inside the you external to the children, figure out how she works…\
?
Thing is, it’s not a good thing if you can’t differentiate between you as you and you being part of the kids, sweety. *hugs* xxx
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