It’s a slow slide down into the dark places in my mind. Moments stretch into infinity as I imagine the worst case scenarios and how I would deal with them. I’m not sure how I got here, all I know is that I’m sitting at the bottom, looking at the light a very long way up.
It’s always unpleasant down here and the road back up is long and cold, usually.
The screaming outside of my head is never as bad as the screaming inside of it. The way the sound reverberates around, shaking all coherant thought with it, until I just want to curl up in the corner and drown it out with someone elses words.
It will be okay. It will be fine, I will be FINE, this is all fine. One foot and then another. It will be okay.
I’m regretful and despite regret being useless here, it insists on hanging around and I’m raw enough without adding regret to the mix.
Some nights, I dream ghosts and then I have days like today. Dreaming the past, I’d like to stay there. Nothing was broken there (only… everything was. We just didn’t know it yet.)
That’s the problem with dreaming the past, rather than the future. You can’t get there anyway, so there is no use trying.
Better to dream the future.
At least then you’re left with possibility.