My son stands up and starts to walk.
But he’s the baby I think. Who gave him permission to grow up?
He stands, laughing and clapping and walks the length of the room to get to me. I scoop him up and spin him in a circle, before he bites my shoulder and gets put down with a thunk.
He laughs again and stands, walking towards the other side of the house.
Wow. That time flew.
I swear, I only gave birth to him a moment ago. Not that long, surely?
***
They are screaming and I am stressed. Grabbing my camera, I escape the noise. Heading outside, I leave them to their father and disappear to reclaim my sanity from the other side of a macro lens.
I find bugs and flowers and then I return, wind chilled and flushed red – but happier. Always happier.
I adore my children with every ounce of my soul, but I scream to be more than a mother.
I want to be a photographer, a writer, an author, a blogger.
But my children are young and they’ll only be this small for a short amount of time.
I put aside my own wants and needs and make time for them, to roll around on the floor and nibble toes and elbows.
However, for 20 minutes a day, when I am in front of my computer immersed in words, or outside taking photos,
I am more than a mother.
And that makes me happy.
Veronica,
Mine are teenagers just! Right now I feel like ‘just a mother’ all swallowed up by them if that makes sense. Actually girl child is doing this to me although as the age she is on occassion after she has all swallowed me up she spits me out! My house is the biggest mess than it has ever been, I am middle aged now and more bendy than I should be. Seeing the photo’s, reading the words helped to remind me that I too am more than just a mother. Now i just have to remember where I left myself!!
Those few minutes of sanity time are so very necessary when there are small children in the house.
same thing from this side of the planet ;D
So very, very, very familiar with this push/pull! xoxo
Oh yes, I know that feeling *very* well! x
It’s hard to love something so wholeheartedly and yet still need something more. I think it’s a struggle we’ll never really get over.
To be a good mother you need to be a good YOU.
Keep taking time for yourself.
So true, Veronica! Those precious few minutes of quiet and “me time” are what every mom needs 🙂 I sometimes feel like I’m going bonkers and just NEED time to just “be”. I think it’s the constant zero downtime that can make us feel like we’re losing it sometimes.
Wonderful post and beautiful photos!!! xo
This is sooo me, too. I love them so much but I just cannot be with them 24/7. One part of me can’t wait till they grow up and move out, and the other knows that it will come too soon and I will regret not spending more time with them.
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