It feels like I’m banging my head against a wall, or swimming against the tide. Trying to get noticed in the swell of mummybloggers and professionals, the Internet is a shark tank and I’m not kitted up for the biting that inevitably follows.
I want more, I want to be noticed and universally adored – despite knowing that it’s insanity to want universal adoration, something that only exists inside the minds of slightly insane movie starlets.
Nevertheless, I click through and look at my stats and content myself with writing consistently well and still it feels like it’s not enough. I want ….. something. Something more.
I think I’ve flown, THWAP, up against the glass walls in here.
What the fuck hit me?
Discontentment.
Huh.
I read amazing words and yet those women, they don’t write often enough. I respond on twitter to someone who appears to be no more popular than anyone else and never get a response. What sets him aside from us, that he can afford to ignore the plebs, those of us he deems below himself.
Being noticed for writing on the Internet feels like being noticed for wearing designer shoes in a strip club. It’s a world of instant gratification and the time it takes to read words and let them sit inside you isn’t taken, not when you’ve got BOOBS and AWESOME and HAHAHAHA hiding over there.
So they click away and it feels like I’m doing the same thing, over and over and not getting anywhere.
And it goes around and around and around.
Welcome to my merry-go-round. Want to come and sit up here and throw peanuts at the people who don’t want to notice us? You’re more than welcome to sit here by me.
You are brilliant! Don’t you forget that!xxx
Thankyou lovely.
I do this to myself all the time. Worry that I can’t keep up, worry that I’m not funny enough or popular enough.
You though, you are amazing.
I worry too. I think it’s one of those things. Your words are always beautiful though.
It is never going to happen. I say that, not to stress you, but to free you. It is never going to happen. Write anyway.
I know this, in my heart. I still want it. But yes, nothing will stop me writing. I would go mad if I couldn’t get the words out.
Totally know where you’re coming from… 🙁
The Internet is hard.
Get rid of the stats thingy and just write. If it helps I adore you from afar so you are universally famous already.
I on the other hand constantly want to go private and crawl back under my rock! I panic at the very thought of a new follower and I only have about three or so.
Yay! Hehe. I should get rid of the stats, but I like to see *where* people are coming from.
If you go private, you have to promise that you’ll let me read still.
I write for me. It is a vent, a means to clarify in my mind what my heart cannot always express openly. Sometimes it’s to disentangle the many conflicting emotions; with the poetry, sometimes it’s to deliberately show that confusion and frustration, without trying to unravel the mess. If someone else enjoys it or gets something from it, be it the same interpretation or different, then that’s a bonus. All I’m trying to do is learn.
The one exception in the text book. I’m doing it because I see a void that should be filled; I hope that my efforts will have a positive impact, be well received. It’s no small task trying to tell everyone else how to do something; I have no doubt there will be sceptics and attacks. No guts, no glory! At least I’ll be able to say I tried. I am forever the student!
I don’t “get” Twitter, although I’ve tried (as your saw with the election) and I don’t have time for it or the availability at work. I simply can’t drive it. So I’ve given up, at least for now. I may have to try again later for the sake of the GOFA. I just can’t be bothered with everything else that’s in my life just now!
I write for me too, and I enjoy it. But sometimes, it hits me that I want other people to read it and take something away. I want them to feel it and when they don’t, I wonder if I’m doing it right.
Good luck with your book!
I like twitter, but probably only because I’ve been slowly growing my ‘crowd’ over there, so it feels comfortable for me. I remember at the beginning it wasn’t any fun and I signed up and ignored it for 6 months.
You ARE doing it right. *nods*
*hug*
I hate when I sit there worrying why somoene doesn’t seem to treply to me? Is it what I said? Something I said earlier? Are they too busy? AM I off their list?
meh.
Yes, it’s weird. And when you know that they aren’t like, say, The Bloggess and getting hundreds of replies to each tweet or post, you wonder what makes them ‘big’ enough to ignore everyone else. And I’m sorry, but I’ve had occasional responses from The Bloggess to comments and tweets, so if SHE can manage it with her almost 70,000 followers, than someone with 1,800 followers can.
I notice you:) You’re awesome!
Thank you! I’m all blushy and stuff now.
It doesn’t really help like I’d want it to but know you’re not alone in feeling like this!
I’m glad it’s not just me.
I totally understand babe.
And you know what? You just have to go ‘fuck them’. Seriously.
A few of the ‘big bloggers’ (whatever that is) will talk to me via email – some even seeking me out to chat and whatnot – but if I reply to them on Twitter? Crickets…
People are strange. And arrogant. And forget that those of us lower on the internet totem pole got them where they are. Be who you are, revel in your uniqueness and your amazing writing.
And know that internet fame is fickle, and soon they will be begging for you to be their friend. And because you are who you are, you will welcome them back with open arms.
Because you are the better person.
Yeah, it’s weird isn’t it? Twitter seems like ‘oh bow down to me in my mightiness’ and they follow 200 people but have 5,000 followers. Where is the conversation? And the connection? I know there is disparity in my follow/following, but that’s because I don’t follow back spam or marketers and sadly, that makes up a lot of my follower count.
I stopped reading a lot of the ‘bigger’ bloggers because of the assumption that we, the readers weren’t worth their time. And I mean, fuck em. I’m not here to make them feel good and fawn all over them, I’m here to make *me* feel good and connect with amazing women and I get to do that every day. I just want to meet more amazing people you know?
And yes. And it will make me smile in delight when I am more awesome than they are and they comment on me without any prompting. Eventually. Heh.
I worry because I don’t want to collect followers as such, my blog was such a personal space for me to start off with and yet now I have connected with lots of lovely people across the blogosphere and so I want to comment and link more but then feel conflicted all over again. I could start another blog but that wouldn’t sit right with me, I have four years of my life on my blog, that has to count for something right?
Yes, it definitely counts. And personally I think starting a new blog is scary, a giant step into emptiness again.
I never feel more invisible than when I’m on Twitter. Much more comfortable on Facebook.
All of this, all that you said, I understand it. I feel like I’m missing some component of personality that would make it feel more natural to put myself out there. I see others do it, with success, and it boggles my mind. I’ve tried to content myself with writing for my tribe, the people who I know will come to read, no matter how long between posts, and that’s helped.
Still, I feel like I’m holding up a wall at a party. Hand me the peanuts. 🙂
I’m more comfortable on twitter – simply because twitter is all blogging all the time, whereas my facebook account is highschool friends and family and a mish mash of people who I really shouldn’t had added. I can blog about most anything, but FB status updates leave me with a mental block. Heh. Like I keep saying, I’m odd.
Yes! It feels like I’m *missing* something. Maybe it’s pushiness. Or bitchiness. Or maybe it’s something stupid like time and inclination to comment on 1000 blogs a day and grow a readership base, or participate in memes and stuff. I don’t know.
Peanuts: here you go.
(ps, followed you back with my other twitter account, SleeplessNights. Am bout to log in with the veronicafoale one and do the same. Very rarely use the vfoale one, except when I’d like some quiet in my twitter stream. Heh)
I think you’re an amazing writer, I always come away from your posts having learned something, or laughing, or even just feeling.
I’m still trying to work out how to write stuff that people will want to read and comment on.
I want to write, but inspiration constantly eludes me. And I hold back so many things, because
a) I think I’m not worth writing about
b) I hear my mother’s voice in my 4-5 year old ears; “if you talk about yourself all the time, people won’t like you”. Which feeds back into a)
Thankyou. I think I’m doing it ‘right’ if I’m making you take something away from the posts. I think at the heart of it that’s all I want. People to ‘feel’ the writing.
Blogging is talking about your self. Like, always. It’s why we like it! I think there is a little bit of the voyeur in every blog reader, because I know windows into someone else’s life and self is so interesting to me.
I found inspiration in getting ahead and having everything scheduled for Sleepless Nights. This blog is whenever I’ve got something to write about, so sometimes weeks between posts, but I get stressed if there is nothing new for SN. So I schedule everything in advance and write as much as I can and then editeditedit. But that’s just what works for me.
::golf clap::
I’m SO with you on all of this, sister. Maybe we can do a road show to get noticed.
Yes! Something outstanding and decidedly not like a meme. Hehe.
When I look at both your blogs, I see a very successful blossoming presence in the blogosphere. From where I see it, you’re up there with those bigger, more popular, more noticed ones. Unless you’re talking about just Twitter… And frankly, Twitter Schmitter!
Thank you. I think it’s an integral flaw that I always want more. More! And yeah, twitter, schmitter.
I adore you universally if that helps?
Also, please could you flick anything other than peanuts? I’m a bit twitchy about peanuts!
I will revert to flicking cherry tomatoes, just for you. xx
Keep swimming! Your blog is great! I’ve enjoyed reading your stories a great deal.
Anyway, the stalls are always the most interesting place for people-watching. You can chat and sneak drinks in. … peanuts with the occasional rotten melon for trolls. OK?
Yes, and cherry tomatoes for throwing as well. (Sorry, has taken me forever to get around to replying to comments.)
It’s hard enough to write a good post, let alone get noticed for it. Many bloggers have the same problem so you are not alone. I stumbled upon your website by chance so that’s gotta count, right? Keep writing well and good karma will follow you. 🙂
The internet is just too vast I think, too many bloggers and we’ve saturated the area. Yay for chance findings! And yes, I think that’s how it’s meant to work. I’m storing up my Karma.
Hi Veronica,
I’ve only just started reading your blog(s) and think your writing is superb.
Keep it up!
Ronnie xo
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 2 trackbacks }