I walk into my bedroom, picking up child detritus as I go; things pulled out of the cupboards and toys scattered about. Bending down next to my closet I breathe in and it’s her.
Eight months after she died, I can smell her perfume, like walking into her bedroom, like standing behind her while we prepared dinner, like holding her hand through the endless hospital visits.
The children playing have disturbed the last remnants of her, a few articles of clothing hung in the back of my closet. Her overcoat sits now, hiding in the dark.
I lean into the closet and bury my head in the sleeve. I breathe in, just for a moment, before steeling my shoulders and walking back out into the daylight and the chaos of my small children.
I sweep them up and twirl them around, all the while seeing her inside my head and remembering that last day. Remembering how it felt to pack up a hospital room and remove jewellery from her cold hands.
We are more for knowing her and less for losing her.
I am not better.
But I am coping.
Comments
11 responses to “Broken”
((((HUGS))))
Oh sweety. *huge hugs*
It’s times like these I wish I was your neighbour to just come give you a huggle. xx
I dont think that we will ever be better sweetheart. We are just getting used to feeling broken.
Ouch.
big hugs
am thinking of ya..
am here if ya need..
Coping is good. I’m glad you’re getting there slowly, Veronica.xoxo
How wonderful to have your nana’s scent through your things. In time this will bring on happier memories for you.
I’m so sorry. It must be so hard for you.
I can feel your sadness, just by reading your post. She’s just physically gone but her presence leaves on inside your heart. God Bless to you and your family.
Hugs. No words just tears.
From the little I have read of your blogs I realise this is about your much loved Grandmother. What a credit to her, and to your family, that such a bond was created and maintained. My brother’s children and growing older and older and I am already watching them drifting away from my folks, who absolutely live and breathe for them. Breaks my heart to watch.
Its a very beautiful love you have there