Not numb

Poke poke.

Does that hurt?

No.

I think it’s meant to hurt.

Poke poke.

Nothing.

There’s meant to be something there. I’m meant to feel something I’m sure.

A yawning chasm opens in my soul and swallows my emotions. I’m not anxious anymore, but I’m not happy or sad or angry either.

I don’t like this. I’m meant to feel something when I poke there.

The numbness spreads like anaesthetic and I ignore it, repeating to myself it’s for the greater good like a mantra. A fortnight later I stop the drugs and shockingly; amazingly, my emotions flood back in and things look sharper, brighter.

Poke poke.

Does that hurt?

Oh yes. Oh god yes that hurts.

I’m back and I can write again.